The Mystery of the Stolen Condoms: Part I

    Matthew Fox, John Q, and Bill Crosby. Can you imagine whats more awesome than these three being roommates? Why their equally epic condom collection of course. Like most college students, condoms are one of the things college students constantly think about, right up there with sex, boobs, cars, and girls; in that order.

    Why condoms? well because if you PLAN on having sex with more than that ugly mistake from that night you don't even remember, than you need to have condoms.

    Condoms are your friends. They protect you. They stop you from going too far. They stop you from infecting yourself with the worst possible virus known to man. Trust me, you don't fucking want AIDS. If you're planning on sleeping with women then you need to have condoms. You don't want whatever the hell she had. I mean if she was willing to sleep with you then just imagine how many different kind of dick-i mean-diseases she must be full of.

   One night the awesome room of Matthew Fox, John Q, and Bill Crosby, and their awesome condom collection lost all its awesomeness. So imagine how fucking mad John Q was when he came home and found that the condoms were gone. He was pissed. Well, not super pissed because he didn't really need the condom for a girl he just brought home that night, but he needed it for some quick relief. But he was still mad.

    When something like you're condoms get stolen, shit just starts happening everywhere. The world makes no sense. Matthew Fox was mad when he found out but he quickly calmed down when he realized that he never really uses them anyway because he can never get girls, and also he had band practice so he just decided he didn't care and went to band practice and to not getting laid. Oh and His name is not awesome anymore either, like Matthew Fox, its now Brian Lin. Yeah...what a fag.

    Bill Crosby wasn't home when the shit went down. He's usually never home. Hes always haging out with random people. You would see him on campus randomly. He might be back home once in a long time. Then he would just disappear for days at a time. This is one of those times.

    John Q on the other hand had an immediate necessity. He could fap without the condom but who wants to deal with the spill damage?

    So John Q set out to get to the asshole who decided to steal the fucking condoms. John Q gets to keep his awesome name because he is still the only one who cares about the condoms. Those who protect the condoms will be protected by the condoms' awesomeness.

The Mystery of the Stolen Condoms will be continued next week...